you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
