I am puke
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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