last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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