do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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