I'm so fucking centered right now
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We are two peas in an std pod
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
