We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Terrible idea I love it
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
