Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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