Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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