True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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