she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
