she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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