I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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