They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
