Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This house was built for laser tag.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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