why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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