I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
