He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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