we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
