I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
