why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Farmville is her only friend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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