I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
