I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
