There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
