last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
