i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
