If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
