He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
