brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
