Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
These tits shall not be calmed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
