i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
