I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize