My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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