dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
