and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the condom got lost in my hair
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
