I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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