You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
