It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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