you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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