i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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