You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
