Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
