All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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