My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
