i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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