eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
