Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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