Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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