wanna go halves on a baby?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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