yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
