Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
