I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
