I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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