Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
