you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
