I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
