Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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