she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
