Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
