I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
