I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
