I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think my tv is drunk
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
sarcasm needs its own font
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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