Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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