Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
