don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Enjoy the penises
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
