i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so let's talk penis.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
