Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
