YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
