I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
