now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
