I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize