i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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