i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Drake has all the answers
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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