After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
