I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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