Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
