Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Randomize
