If that was your dad, he is hot
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
