I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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